Here’s my big elephant in the room: there are about ten times more subscribers to Doodle Dispatches than there were a few weeks ago.
This is incredible to me, and also pretty darn exciting. (Hello, everyone!) I told you that I’d share my feelings about suddenly connecting with so many new readers, so here goes—but then I promise I’ll return to my usual stuff.
When I started posting this newsletter a few months ago, I had only a general sense of the breadth and enormity of Substack’s platform. I felt pretty sure that I could test out my voice here without most people noticing. After all, I use Instagram and Twitter feeds to share doodles with superfans (hi, mom!) without spamming their text threads on a daily basis; I sort of thought Substack would be similar, but with words.
Then, a little over two weeks ago, Substack “featured” Doodle Dispatches. On the day it happened, I was down a rabbit hole at work and didn’t realize anything had changed until I resurfaced in late afternoon. My inbox was flooded: I uncomprehendingly swiped past subscription notice after subscription notice, hearing more messages pinging in even as I scrolled. It was staggering.
Buried among these emails was a lovely note from the Substack crew, explaining simply that they enjoy my newsletter and thought other people might too. My first reaction: delight!
My second reaction: panic.
What if I never, ever again have anything else to say? What if I never, ever finish my work projects, or have time to write again? What if every new subscriber thinks I am banal/inane/dull/pretentious/repetitive/irrelevant? WHAT IF I AM AN IMPOSTOR?
My third reaction: guilt.
On a platform where so many stellar creative and insightful authors and artists are sharing so much of value, it seemed almost incredible that someone had decided to feature my voice. I’ll probably never know the reason for that, though in the moment there was plenty of speculation to go around: one loyal friend declared I had earned the honor through my singular and spectacular talent, while a commenter asked who I’d bribed (ahh, the interwebs, keeping us humble!). Beauty is, as always, in the eye of the beholder.
Though we are not meant to look a gift horse in the mouth, I’ve been examining this filly’s teeth pretty carefully for the last few weeks.
Having had some time to sit with the whole experience, though, the panic and guilt have faded, and I’m just left feeling grateful. If I get anxious again and need a plan for tricking my brain into letting me write, I’ll just tell myself that you, like my mom, are a superfan (welcome to the family!).
Here’s what I know: though I’m no longer a “featured publication,” new readers still find me each week. Here’s what else I know: each time I post, some folks inevitably decide I’m not their cup of tea and move on to greener pastures. That’s the beauty of this platform! We dip in and out of each others’ perspectives, trying on other worlds for size. We search for connections that have particular, personal meaning for us, and when we find them, we settle in. I’ll keep posting my usual goofiness. If a writer is someone who writes, then a reader is someone who is interested. If I’m writing, and you’re reading, things don’t need to be more complicated than that.
I'm a follower you can blame your mom for - friends with her, both your uncles on her side of the family, and both of their wives. I'm enjoying your posts!
Hey Judith! My crack about bribery was only that. (OK plus a smidge of jealousy.) I totally understand why the gods of the ‘stack featured your newsletter. They were delighted by it, as am I. Doodle on!